Its not like I can’t see my toes anymore; I now sort of resemble my pre-baby shape. And I have everyone telling me to be patient, that its ok it be this chubby only 7 weeks out from giving birth. Yeah well, I'm over it. So I'm going to give it my all for the next 3 months. And here is why I think it will work:
1) Legitimate Motivation
What is my motivation? Is it my health? Not really. Is it what I see in the mirror every morning? Eh, I've been fat before and never took drastic action (senior year of college comes to mind, if anyone has pictures of me at graduation--where I looked like someone had dressed a sausage in a barbie clothes--feel free to post them. I was a fatty and I honestly didn't care. That fat was earned by some seriously fantastic, debaucherous, beer soaked fun). No, my motivation is two fold; my closet full of clothes and putting this up for everyone to see. Accountability. And a desire to wear something other than sweatpants and maternity wear.
2) Moment of Clarity/Feeling like an ass for crying in a locker room
I started working out again last week. I was more than prepared for feeling weak and being a shadow of my fitness self (ran a mile for the first time in 8 months at 11:45. And I felt like I was pushing it. For only a mile. I am so screwed). What I was not prepared for was the feeling of disbelief and helplessness I felt when I put on my workout clothes at the gym. In my rush to leave the house, I just grabbed a ratty old workout t-shirt (I have a strange attachment to all my print t-shirts. Seriously, I have a drawer and a storage box full of them. I have tried to weed out the collection, but every shirt holds some "significant" meaning from an event or time in my life. Honest to God, I have this image of passing down shirts to my kids....not sure if Rory really wants my Boston Women's Rugby Pub Crawl shirt) and a pair of shorts and headed out the door to the gym. When I got there and started changing, I didn't fit into my clothes. Well, I "got" into them, but they didn't "fit" me. The baggy old shirt I had worn a thousand times to workout in was SKINTIGHT. The soccer shorts I had brought I had to pull up about 3 inches to keep my tummy covered. At that moment I realized a few things: I had a LONG way to go to get back to normal, not just a few pounds like I had thought, and that I didn't want anyone to see me like this--for the first time in a long time (probably since puberty) I was embarrassed and ashamed of my body and I started crying (thanks postpartum hormones!). I felt so defeated, I started untying my shoes as if to get back into my big, comfy sweatpants and go home; I didn't want anyone to see my fat ass attempt to work out, large areas of my body jiggling. But then a second set of thoughts occurred to me. Firstly, that I was never going to NOT look like this if I went home and didn't at least try working out (everyone keeps telling me that the baby weight will come off in time, blah blah blah. I know my body. The weight that has already gone is all breastfeeding is going to do for me. I am my mother's daughter and so any fat that is on is sticking around unless I change some things). Secondly, the thought came like this "Really?! You're fucking crying? There are a lot of awful things in the world, and a lot more important things in your life, to get worked up about. Sack up, and stop being a little bitch. Nothing gets done by throwing yourself a pity party." (I believe I owe a debt of gratitude to the guys I worked on hotshot crew with--I'm talking to you especially Sweaty Eddy--for this sort of mental hip check. Suck it up and just fucking do it--a mantra brought to you by the Flagstaff Interagency Hotshot Crew). So I stayed and worked out--and tried not to look in the mirror while I was running. (as a sidenote, I have got to get a better workout bra for these enormous engorged tatas. Or maybe three.)
3) The beginning stats:
*As much as I really don't want to show this online, I know its the only way I will make the numbers change for the better.
Measurements (3/5/2012)
Neck= 38 cm
Right Bicep= 31.5 cm
Left Bicep= 32.5 cm
Belly Button= 107 cm (Holy GOD--for reference, that's around 42 inches, or 3.5 feet)
Hips= 111 cm
Right Thigh= 66 cm
Left Thigh= 66.5 cm
Weight (using my wonky house scale)
201 pounds
*I actually don't put too much stock in pounds, because even when I'm at 16% body fat, I weigh 171 pounds. I'm just thick. And I have honestly had a doctor tell me I am big boned--well, they said dense bone mass, but you get the idea. All those excuses aside, 200 pounds is unacceptable.
Body Fat
*To be determined--I haven't set up a calipher test with a trainer yet, hopefully I'll get around to it this week so I have some sort of baseline. I figured weight and measurements were ok to start with.
I will be updating these stats every week. Here's to hoping they change--for the better.
Feel free to comment.
Next post: My methods.
You can do it my love! My advice:
ReplyDelete1. Gut it out at every work out. Don't waste a single moment at the gym or on the roads half-assing it. I say this for two reasons. The first being that nothing clears your mind and relieves stress like a really good, ass-kicking sweat sesh. And two, as a momma you don't have time anymore for 2 hour workouts. Just suck it up and just fucking do it! :)
2. Set an attainable goal. Always wanted to run a marathon or triathalon? Go online, find one and sign up. Then get to training. That's what I did after Ellie was born and because I'd paid, I wasn't just mentally but financially committed.
3. Give yourself a break. You're a new momma. Your baby has been on this earth for just a few weeks. Do what you can and forgive yourself the rest of it.
xoxoL
Thanks Lil--I had to get going with a plan because me sitting at home with the baby quickly turns into "hmmm, I wonder if I can make a poundcake while he sleeps?". I am trying to find a half marathon for the fall, that's good advice.
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