The Method

Alrighty, so I've offered up my reasons for this three month experiment.  (Although I didn't mention sex earlier. Yes, I said it. I tend not to have sex unless I feel attractive.  Saddlebags and stretch marks don't say 'bow chicka wow wow'. And unlike in college, I am not plied with half a keg of beer every night, throwing my physical hangups to the wind)  So how am I going to go about my transformation? I am no expert but this is what I know:

1) I know (now) what works for me
Over the years I have tried many diets and methods for getting leaner, faster, stronger, smaller, healthier, etc.  These include but are not limited to: Body For Life, Crossfit Flagstaff, The Zone Diet , The Atkins Diet, and P90X.  All of these programs worked in some ways for me and failed in others and it wasn't because the programs have flaws; for instance I believe crossfit is an amazing way to get stronger and leaner. (ok, the Atkins diet does have some flaws.  I'm sorry, its just unhealthy.  Instead of whole milk in your 20 oz latte you want heavy whipping cream because it has less carbohydrates.  That means a pint's worth of heavy whipping cream in one drink.  But don't eat any fruit, that's bad for you.  I don't want to go into the specifics of how that diet works, but it is basically stressing your system out)  The reason they didn't work in the long term was me.  They were too restrictive or too involved or too complicated both with meals and with workouts for me to stay with them.  I am not good at counting calories or weighing food or even looking at labels--anything that requires thinking too hard about what goes in my mouth (ha ha Alison, you pervert).  It puts me off wanting to do it. And I don't want to feel bad about eating--that is what led me, and most women, down the wrong path.  Food should be mostly fuel and at times rewarding and enjoyable (triple mousse cake for example).  If you attach serious guilt or stress to eating, you will ALWAYS end up the loser.

2) Keep it simple, keep it cheap
So what works? For me "keep it simple, keep it cheap".  If you're keeping score at home, that's two mantras so fair on this blog.  The diet I can most easily stick to and enjoy (and get behind the science/health concepts) is the Paleo Diet.  Basically it goes like this: lots of lean protein, fruit, and vegetables, no preservatives (sugar, salt, or any soy and corn derivatives), plenty of good fat (avocados, olive oil, walnuts, etc.), no diary, no legumes, and minimal alcohol and caffeine.  The best part of the diet? Give yourself 2-3 cheat meals a week and EAT AS MUCH OF THE GOOD STUFF AS YOU WANT.  Seriously.  Still hungry after eating some asparagus and chicken breast? Eat some more until you are satiated.  Never go hungry.  There's no calorie counting, or portion sizing, or feeling bad about ordering pizza once a week. That out, being able to eat something off prescribed diet every once in a while, is what makes it doable for me.  As a side note, I've been reading Tim Ferriss's 4 Hour Body and I like his concept of having a cheat day.  One day where nothing is off limits.  Actually I like his whole book, sort of like a buffet of body ideas you can pick and choose from--I might try the cold pack experiment for weigh lose (see also fifteen minute female orgasm).  It can be hard to eat enough greens on the Paleo Diet (or it is for me and my colon) so I also make green smoothies most days.  Simply put, green smoothies are fruit smoothies with a ton of fresh greens blended in with them (kale, chard, spinach, dandelion greens, etc.  Don't us romaine or arugula, the taste is too overpowering).  Keeps ya regular, and 2-3 #twos a day are important to me.

Sound too Spartan? Let me just say that after a few weeks of adhering to the Paleo Diet and smoothies, I felt better and I slept better and food started tasting better.  No joke.  If you are not using salt and sugars, strawberries taste amazing, 10x better than before.  And the no diary really made a difference for me. Before, as some can attest, I was rather gassy and constantly bloated.  Too much diary made me a horn section and gave me painful tummy pressure.  I was like Walter the Farting Dog.

As far as working out goes, only two things have ever made me see and feel a real physical difference: training for a half marathon, aka logging some serious miles and sprints, and Paragon Athletics with Ryan Whited.  But as we in the Williams' household are dead broke I cannot afford the badassery that goes on at Paragon.  So I will be keeping it simple with 3 days of running/sprinting and 3 days of kettlebells, pullups, pushups and dynamic core movements.  Occasionally I will throw in a spinning class or whatever, to keep it interesting.  The key to making such a simple workout routine have an impact is to keep track of gains(this routine I have learned from years and years of training by the way.  If you have no idea how to lift or workout, get a trainer or take a class, otherwise my a la carte way will not work)  I really love a hard workout, where you feel a little shaky and vomity afterwards.  Also, I love running. Not at this level--getting into running shape sucks balls.  But once you are there, going out for a nice long run is awesome.  When I get there again (my running place of tao) I will have to do a post on what it feels like.  I particularly like running at night when its slightly cold.


3) I am not Heidi Klum
Surprisingly, my particular body and face don't make me a supermodel.  Yeah, I think I'm a relatively attractive woman but I also have a pretty good grip on where I stack up in the world of hotness.  What I mean by this is that no matter how great of shape I get in, I will never look like Heidi Klum.  The ugly duckling was delusional, not inspirational.  Ducklings turn into ducks, they don't morph into swans. All this is to say that having the right expectations will encourage me to move on.  I want to look as good as I can, not as good as someone else can.  I am not genetically blessed (Heidi Klum) or willing to get Hollywood thin (I mean seriously, there are some average looking bitches in Hollywood that wouldn't get any play 15 pounds heavier).

and finally
4)Exercise is important but....
All you have to do to lose weight is change how you eat.  You don't have to work out.  So the most important component here will be changing my eating habits back to healthy ones.  Missing a workout is not as bad as eating multiple bad calorie meals in a row.  I just have to keep that in perspective because when you didn't work out sometimes you go "Well, I didn't put forth any effort in that department, I can just write today off".  Not good.

Next post: Pictures, pictures and more pictures.