Week 4 Measurements and such

I promise I haven't lost focus.  My dad was here for over a week and all my spare time went to hanging out with him.  I have many ideas for posts this week.  I'm sure they'll be riveting.  But here are my week 4 measurements.  It was hard to stay on the program this week for a couple reasons:  my sister showed up with baked goods, I went to a wedding, and the baby's nighttime sleep took a nosedive.  And as I said before, when you are sleep deprived you don't want chicken breasts and broccoli. He is a great sleeper but we have this new problem where he wiggles out of his swaddle but once his arms are out he can't go back to sleep.  Which means instead of waking up once in the middle of the night like he used it, he wakes up one to two more times.  Meaning I am exhausted.  We got the miracle blanket (its basically a straight jacket for your baby) and tonight is our first night trying it out on him.  Hopefully it works as advertised.  Actually, hopefully he starts being able to sleep without being swaddled.  It makes everything about bedtime/naptime just a bit more tricky.

So anyways, still trending downward and I can safely say I did nothing close to working out.  With my dad here helping, I slept.  A lot.  It just goes to show that even when I'm basically hibernating and not working out, just changing what you eat makes a difference.

A funny sidenote: When I went to the wedding I decided that I was going to allow myself to be super indulgent when it came to dessert.  I made this decision after walking into the reception and seeing that the couple had opted to have about 12 friends make all different kinds of cakes.  Red velvet cupcakes, banana cupcakes, chocolate salted carmel cake, dark chocolate cake, coconut cake, cheesecake, chocolate bundt cake, apple pie, and the list goes on and on.  So I made the executive decision to eat a small, Paleoish dinner and stuff my face with cake.  I guess I should mention that I love cake.  As in when I was pregnant, I talked about cake so much that Norm went to the store and bought cake mix.  More than once.  Or one time, coming home pretty drunk, I ate half a sheet cake.  I stood in my kitchen with a fork and a mission.  I stood there eating for so long that Norm actually got out of bed and came looking for me.  (I just brought this up to Norm and he said, "yeah, I remember when that red velvet cake came back up and you plastered the toilet with it." And I said, "No, it wasn't red velvet, it was the sheet cake Shawnacy brought over and that was yellow cake."  And Norm said, "Well you also did it with red velvet cake, I distinctly remember the red throw up."  So this means I have done it more than once.  I blame this stand and eat with a fork routine on my friends from college.  I don't remember how it started, but on any of our birthdays we would buy/make a cake for the birthday girl and instead of passing out plates, we just passed out forks and dug in.  The remains of the cake usually looks like someone stuck m80's in it.  As grown women who have plates--we didn't in college, all things are born from necessity--we STILL eat birthday cake this way.  I can tell you it has shocked and probably disgusted a few people.  Whatever.  It is still my preferred way to eat cake)  Anyways, I piled my plate with a cupcake and two slices of cake.  By the time I got to the last slice of cake, I felt sick.  Real sick.  Apparently going almost sugar and flour free for a few weeks and then pounding cake is a bad idea.  Almost ruined my night.  Almost.

Measurements	3/4/2012	3/10/2012	3/18/2012	4/1/2012
Neck	38 cm	36.5 cm	37.5 cm	36 cm
Right Bicep	32.5 cm	35 cm	35 cm	35.5 cm
Left Bicep	31.5 cm	33 cm	33 cm	33 cm
Belly	107 cm	101 cm	98 cm	96.5 cm
Hips	111 cm	108 cm	105.5 cm	105 cm
Right Thigh	66 cm	65 cm	65 cm	64 cm
Left Thigh	66.5 cm	64 cm	64 cm	63 cm

Week 3 Measurements...oops

Lots of things conspired against me taking my measurements this past weekend.  I won't go into it too much but it involved a growth spurt, my father's visit, and the urgent early morning need for a muffin.  I am going to wait until this coming weekend to do another measurement.  In the meantime, here are some cute pictures of my cat and one of the biscuit (cat and kitten videos/pictures get almost as much traffic on the internet as guys getting nailed in the balls.  Says something about us huh?  I will go with kittens.  Mainly cause I don't have any videos of guys getting reamed)

proof

Me and the biscuit decided to go for a walk this afternoon (read: the biscuit decided to take a one hour nap where he usually goes for 2.5 hours so we needed a peaceful activity) and I have noticed that my black, stretchy, cotton maternity pants have been falling off me so I thought I should change.  And by falling off me I mean when I went to grab the kid out of the crib yesterday they fell to my ankles.  With a trepidatious heart I went to my "workout attire" drawer (if you remember, the last time I put on work out clothes it ended in tears) and picked out a pair of black workout pants.  And they fit--er, more snugly than usual--but I could wear them comfortably.  I have not been able to wear these pants since I was 5 months pregnant.  8 months ago.  I was so excited and pleased I grabbed a pair of my regular jeans off the shelf and pulled those on.  Yeah, not quite yet. Those bad boys didn't really get up over my thighs so well, not without some bacon grease at least.  But that's ok.  I am making progress.

By the way, both the cat and baby were watching me from the bed and both reacted to my squeal of delight at the first pair of pants and my "ooohhhhhhhh. ok." sigh when the jeans didn't fit.  And then I spoke to both of them like they were supportive friends I brought with me to the mall.  "I know, I know.  But come on, its been eight months since I wore the black ones, it wasn't outrageous for me to think that my jeans might sort of fit....Ok it was, don't be so judgmental.  I AM going to get back into my regular clothes soon.  You just wait."  At this point the cat began to clean herself and the biscuit spit up, reminding me that once again, I am the only one with language skills in the house.  I used to think my mom was crazy of her own accord.  I now know that motherhood greatly enhances any latent craziness.

Seriously, when did everything become so dangerous?  A storm that brings 20 inches of snow? I could hardly sleep because I thought one of our trees was going to crash through the baby's room.  Norm riding his bike to work? I have to tell myself to wait till lunch to call and make sure he's alive and not be a nutter and tell him to text me when he gets there.  I feel like wrapping my kid in bubble wrap a la Joey Tribbani at all times.  I have never been a person who lives with anxiety and fear.  Norm and I would be apart for weeks at a time, both doing an extremely dangerous job, not speaking for days, and I never thought twice about him getting hurt.  Now every time he gets in the car to grab something from the grocery store I have a mini-attack.  And my sister's kids, whom I love and miss when I don't see them very often, now seem like walking malicious petri dishes because they haven't been vaccinated.  If they even sniffle in my house I have the urge to lock them in my garage and clorox the house.  Hopefully this subsides or my children's memory of their childhood will involve mommy doing a lot of bong rips.

Bringing Sexy back: attempt #1

At my 6 week follow up exam with the midwives they barraged me with questions.  A good thing but also a little funny once we got to the section about re-igniting Norm and I's love life.  The conversation went a little like this (no topic is weird with these women anymore--after a year of visits and them participating in my delivery, there is nothing to hide):

Midwife: Have you and Norm started having sex again?
Me: No....can we? (I'm pretty sure I read/was told we couldn't have a go at it till 6 weeks)
Midwife: Yes you definitely can if you feel ready for it (they are so concerned about momma's well being).
Me: I don't exactly feel up for it right now, I don't seem to have any libido.
Midwife:  Yeah, a lot of that has to do with the hormones associated with breastfeeding, or lack of certain hormones.  It will come back, but it could take some time.
Me: I'm also so tired--Norm is too I think.  Sleep just sounds better than sex.  Plus I'm not feeling super sexy just yet.
Midwife:  That's ok, it often takes couples a while to get back to being intimate.  Do you and Norm talk about it?
Me: If by talk about it you mean when I fart in bed and turn to him and ask "So, wanna do it?"...then yes.
Midwife: [laughs]Well, have you discussed whether or not you'd like to try and have another child? (can I just say that EVERYONE asks you this question like 3 seconds after you had the first one.  And after having a natural birth and not sleeping my inclination is to break out in a chorus of " hell to the no".  I understand why she is asking me though)
Me: Yeah, we decided we aren't going to try until after Rory is a year old--probably after 14 months.
Midwife: So what kind of birth control are you planning on using?
Me: Er...I hate being on the pill, it makes me sort of crazy and depressed, so I think we will just start using condoms again.
Midwife: Ok, that sounds goo--
Me: [cutting her off] Actually...I'm lying. Norm and I have been using the pull and pray method since after our first year of dating. (I figured I should be truthful--knowing myself, I would go out and buy a bunch of condoms that would never get used because I would need to keep up the lie to my midwives)
Midwife: I know I shouldn't say this, but after learning so much about fertility, if you are in a committed relationship that can handle any "mistakes", its really not such a bad method.
Other Midwife:  Yes, but you should know that you can get pregnant while breastfeeding even if you haven't starting menstruating yet. (I know this because my wonderful sister had both her kids by accident.  I can understand--sort of--having the first one by accident.  I mean, she's married and they have pretty stable incomes.  But the second one? Good lord I wanted to smack her upside the head when she said "I don't know how it happened! I was still breastfeeding and it was only one time!"  What are you, sixteen? Penis in vagina with no barrier equals chance of baby.  Pretty simple AND since she went to the same midwives, I now know they had this talk with her.  But I guess Fertile Myrtle skipped health in 8th grade.  Her kids are 20 months apart.  At first it was hard.  Now that they are 2 and 4 and its awesome)
Midwife 1: There are some things you should know about the first time you try and have sex postpartum.
Me: Things aren't going to fit the same way?
Midwife 1: Not necessarily.  But yeah, it will feel different for him.
Me: Hot dog down a hall way?
Midwife 2: [laughs] No, not after your first one (oh great).  We suggest you use a good lube and take it slow.
Me: Oh. [long pause] Its gonna hurt?
Midwife 1:  It might be rather uncomfortable.  Honestly, since your husband isn't here, I'll just tell you what we tell a lot of women:  you just gotta get through the first few times.  Husbands don't like to hear that. (mine definitely wouldn't.  Norm is all about me achieving an orgasm.  I think he takes pride it in--or feels bad if I don't.  For a guy who wasn't raised Catholic...)
Me: Alllright.  Well now I REALLY want to have sex. (during the last month of my pregnancy Norm and I had sex almost every night to try and induce labor.  Let me tell you, romance was in the air.  A typical night of foreplay went like this: Norm "We should probably have sex." Me "ugh, fine.")

About twenty minutes later they gave me my first postpartum pap smear.  It was about 200x more uncomfortable than usual (let me add that I didn't have any tares during labor so I can't imagine how much worse that would be).  Definitely made me think twice about anything else going up there if you know what I mean.

Flash forward to this past weekend.  Norm and I were both home during the day, both pretty well rested, and the baby had just gone down to nap.
Me: I'm gonna take a shower.
Norm: Oh, I need to take one too. (our water heater can only do one hot shower every 3 hours, so he was looking at a waiting period) Maybe we can take one together [eye brow wiggle]
Me: [laughing] I don't really get clean when we shower together.
Norm: [dejected] Alright.
Me: You know what, ok.
Norm: Sweet.
Me: I have to go to the bathroom first.
Norm: That's hot.
Me: Shut up.

So we take a shower together and keep that naked momentum flowing into the bedroom.  I had told Norm about what the midwives said earlier ("Just get through it? That makes me feel great.") and so he was making sure to take his time and had some lube at hand.  The moment (of insertion) finally came and it reminded me of an injury "I'm ok" "how's the pressure?" "its good, just give me a second."  You know, really sexy and hot.  I was using my breathing, my eyes closed, trying to relax and enjoy it.  And then I opened my eyes and there, ten inches from my head, was our kitty.  Sitting up, head tilted to the side, staring at me.  When she saw me looking at her, she reached out and touched my face with her paw.  I stifled a laugh and said to Norm "whatever you do, don't look at the cat".  "Too late" he said, and we both chuckled and tried to refocus.  So after it was over, (Norm eventually understood that waiting for me was futile) I asked him if the cat was really bothering him sitting there.  He said that she didn't just sit there, she walked over my head a few times, played with the bottle of lube, and sat next to him pawing his side, not sure if this was a game or if daddy was hurting mommy.  That definitely goes to show you, dudes will withstand a lot to have sex.  I asked him if it felt different, less tight or whatever, and he said it felt softer.  Well, softer is a better adjective than enormous I guess.

So the first attempt is past and it wasn't so bad.  Wasn't toe curling good but at least I got through it, right?  Sigh....

Week 2 Measurements

And here we go again.  The measurements are sort of weird.  I guess I put on and take off weight (or hold bloat) in strange ways.  I didn't get any workouts in this week and I cheated a bit more than I planned on.  My fantastic friend Meghann came in from Seattle so I bent the rules slightly. And yesterday was St. Paddy's day and I definitely drank a bunch of mimosa's (see note below) and baileys in my coffee at our pancake brunch.

*People have this misconception about alcohol and weight loss.  If you want to lose weight, there is not a "good" drink that is waaay better than another in terms of caloric intake, but there are some that are more beneficial to your health.  Studies about alcohol consumption and weight loss or gain are tricky because so there are so many variables. Genetics and sex seems to play a role as does the sample givers themselves (people often underestimate/under report how much they drink).  White wine, especially champagne, is possibly one of the worst drinks to consume while ONE or TWO glasses of red wine a night is good for your heart.  But all the this "this type of liquor or beer is better for you" campaign is just marketing--your body burns alcohol first AND its extra calories no matter what.  If you want to lose weight, 1 or 2 drinks every few nights is fine.  Binge drinking, on the other hand, is ALWAYS associated with weight gain.
Even still, my abdomen measurements went down, my limbs stayed the same (though my neck went up? I am attributing it to its just an awkward area to measure in the same place correctly every time), and my weight went down another few lbs.

Measurements	3/4/2012	3/10/2012	3/18/2012
Neck	38 cm	36.5 cm	37.5 cm
Right Bicep	32.5 cm	35 cm	35 cm
Left Bicep	31.5 cm	33 cm	33 cm
Belly	107 cm	101 cm	98 cm
Hips	111 cm	108 cm	105.5 cm
Right Leg	66 cm	65 cm	65 cm
Left Leg	66.5 cm	64 cm	64 cm

Weight:
194 pounds, 3 more pounds down

Sleep and Fat

I have never been, nor will I probably ever be, a good sleeper.  I wish I was so much, but I have fought with insomnia, both onset (falling asleep) and middle (waking up a lot), throughout my whole life.  So I guess I should back up and define what is a "good sleeper" or more importantly, what is "good sleep"?

Adults should get between 7-9 hours of good sleep a night.  There is a very small group of the people who can get by just fine on 5-6 hours of sleep.  Everyone claims to be one of these people.  You are wrong.  How do you know if you aren't getting enough sleep (and the right kind of sleep, which I'll talk about soon)?  Have you ever nodded off during a routine meeting after only a couple of minutes?  Feel tired shortly after you wake up?  Does riding in a car or train (motion) make you drowsy on a regular basis?  Without coffee, does your afternoon become non-functioning? (although this might be due to a diet high in sugars and simple carbohydrates--eating cereal for breakfast is the worst thing you can do for afternoon productivity)  If you have any of these happen more than once, you are not getting enough sleep.

Scientists have a general understanding, as we all do, of how sleep is restorative to all the functions of the human body.  But they are truly limited on the why, what, and how.  There is a tragic hereditary disease called FFI, fatal familial insomnia, that shows how important sleep is to the body.  There is no cure for the disease, once you stop sleeping it is only a matter of months till you are dead.  You don't die of another sickness, like with other degenerative diseases, your other organs a still functioning normally.  Why do I bring this up? Because what we know about sleep and how it affects us is still evolving.  Sleeping those precious 8 hours might be more important to our health than we all know.

One of the things that they have found out about sleep is this:  the less you get over time, the more likely you are to put on weight.  There are two hormones, leptin and ghrelin, that have control over our appetites and they are affected by sleep.  Simply put, ghrelin stimulates your appetite and leptin signals your brain that you are full.  When you consistently sleep less than your body needs, leptins levels go down and ghrelin is more readily produced, meaning your body is saying "I feel hungry, I need food" when you actually don't. (well, I guess evolutionarily, you would have needed food if you were low on sleep because it probably meant you were under real duress.  But none of us is foraging for berries and sleeping in caves, so for our discussion, your body is wrong)  And you don't crave lean protein and greens, you will naturally desire comfort food, high in fat, salt, and sugars.  Getting enough sleep ensures that these hormone levels are at a even, natural stasis.

BUT there is a way to sleep 8 hours and still have your hormones be out of whack. Wicky wicky whack. You could be one of the MILLIONS of Americans with sleep apnea, which even with 8 hours of sleep a night, causes those hormone levels to be off.  Sleep apnea causes you to stop breathing/receiving oxygen throughout the night, maybe hundreds of times.  This is obviously a bad thing.  And more than just affecting dental health (a dry mouth leads to gum disease and tooth decay) and weight loss, sleep apnea can affect memory and cause headaches during the day.  Most people are unaware they are affected by it, or by how severely they are affected by it.  And it is often misdiagnosed.  If you wake up with dry mouth, not feeling refreshed and your partner complaining about snoring, and have random headaches and brain fart memory issues throughout the day--you should look into treatment for sleep apnea.  Sometimes its as easy as sleeping on your side and putting a humidifier in your room.  Often, it is linked to being overweight.  At any rate, it is keeping you from maintaining a healthy weight (among other things--like keeping your wife up at night).

The death of sexy

When took the little biscuit out today to a coffee shop, (my excuse being we are out of coffee beans at home, the real reason being I needed to get OUT) I came across the grave of sexy.  Let me extrapolate.  While I was enjoying my cup of coffee and reading the paper (the biscuit slept in his car seat.  I think he is trying to make it up to me for screaming for 45 minutes straight yesterday after getting his first round of vaccinations.  There are 4 more rounds? Awesome, cause it wasn't hell on earth for four hours yesterday or anything.  Poor little biscuit.  And yes, I cried.  Again.) a couple in their mid-fifties came and sat near me.  Well, I noticed them the minute they walked into the coffee shop because I could hear the wife.  The woman talked from the time they got into the door, while they were ordering coffee, while they were waiting for coffee, after they got the coffee and sat down, and kept going while they walked out the door.  She never shut up.  And her husband said maybe 20 words.  She had super short hair and was dressed in casual clothes, no make up, no jewelry, and the ugliest shoes I have ever seen.  Now, from the conversation she was having and the way her husband was dressed (polo shirt, nice khakis, nice watch, average shoes), it was obvious she wasn't an earth mother or a laid back individual--or unemployed, I heard her talking about her job (in fact, she may have covered every topic known to man in the 35 minutes I heard her).  They were both relatively attractive people.  She had just stopped trying (I'm sure he had as well, but at least he had on an 'outfit').  And I know, after 20 plus years, bringing the sexy is a little low on the priorities list.  Maybe its not even about priorities, maybe its about interest--I get it, how interesting can the same old dick and saggy balls be after so many years?  But I found it a bit sad.  They both seemed in good health (she definitely wasn't getting winded) and in good shape.  You might be saying, "Kate, not everything is about sexy good looks and a hot body" and I completely agree.  The way I knew that the sexy had died was not about how she looked, though that is a good indicator, it was the lack of intimacy that was so obvious between them.  Though she was talking, he was not listening.  And though she seemed like she was talking to him, it was plain that she couldn't care less about whether or not he found her interesting and more importantly, that she wasn't concerned about engaging him.  There was no give and take.  And when you have no interest in involving the other person, you definitely aren't passionate about them.  I'm sure they love each other very much (seriously, you'd have to really love someone to stick around through that unending barrage of utterly mundane topics).  But sexy had died many years ago, and they were sitting there as a living gravestone marking the burial place.

So what does this have to do with my blog?  Its because of the dialogue I've been having with a few people about it, mainly them trying to make me feel better about not looking a certain way.  Trust me, writing a blog aside, I am not that worked up about being chubby.  I don't like it for sure, but it is not ruling my life/thoughts.  What the experience of pregnancy and new mommydom has got me worried about is the sexy.  I will NOT end up in mom jeans and an asexual hair cut.  Norm and I had our son at home with midwives (fantastic experience btw) and the midwives are big on letting your husband be the one coaching and encouraging you, they believe it is a very intimate experience for you as a couple and they are there to help facilitate a good, safe environment for that, not to be the ones in control.  So Norm "caught" the baby, and I'm sure that was an awe inspiring, loving moment for him.  What it was not was sexy.  There is nothing sexy about watching your child's head emerge from your wife's vag.  Norm, in his sweet nature, has delicately said he has a new "appreciation" for that area of my body and "won't soon forget it".  So what we have here is a situation for Justin Timberlake.

Watching that couple today made me realize a few things: 1) I don't ever what to just let the sexy lapse until it dies 2) Sexiness, especially in a couple, has to do with the desire for the other person in all aspects, not just the physical 3) It is a state of mind more than artifice.  Dressing skanky is not sexy (many a young woman gets confused about this.  The sexiest girl in a bar could be in sweat pants if she is happy and confident) and 4) I'm glad I was married when I had the baby and so have no doubt that the man will stick around through this unsexy phase.  (I am not crashing on single moms, nothing wrong with that, I know of kids that grew up happy and complete in single parent households.  I know kids who grew up in two parent households that could say the opposite) and lastly 5) Sexy has been important to me in the past and I want it to be important in the future.  I don't ever want to stop trying, for Norm's sake and for my own.  If you are a woman and have never fully realized your sexy potential, you have never owned your sexiness, you don't know what you are missing.  Its not just about men (or women) having sexual cravings for you.  It is the feeling of potency and power you have as a woman, a confidence in yourself that is unique to that state, and it is quite enjoyable.  Kids are happy and complete when their parents are happy and complete.  And feeling sexy is part of what makes me complete.  Especially sexy shoes.